Escaping the Past
by peaceloveandwriting
Summary: Au: The boys didn't get rescued till several years later. It's set in modern day where Jack is a rising politician fighting for his way into a career with his trusty assistant Roger. Jack is having a blast from the pass where he is facing old memories that threatened his life, nightmares that will eat him alive, and most importantly the boy who he might have been in love with.
1. Chapter 1

The bright light shined on the hard edges on Jack's face. Every word written from that computer was locked down and recorded. He would find out where this person was going before they went, who they talked to, and what kind of overall person he was.

When he was first offered this job he almost declined it, he was a young man about to start his political life, he didn't have time to get into other people business. He didn't have time to play detective when there was so much left to do.

But, he reminded himself, this was good for himself. No one would willing let a 25 year old redhead work for their branch or in their. Working dirty, and having blackmail against people, well, that's the way to do it.

"Jack," The young man lifted his eyes from the computer, but did not nod his head in greetings of the other boy. "What?" He asked simply. The boy with hair as black as his soul laid the folder down on his desk, "Someone's been blabbing about the island. I don't know who, but there's only a few number of people who would do something like that." The raise and the edge of Roger's eyebrows implied the boy Jack was already thinking about.

"You don't th-" "You know it as well as I do Jack."

Jack leaned back in his seat, his hands clasped and his eyes carefully locked onto the pale hands there. "We have to make him stop...somehow." "Yeah but...how?" Jack eyes grew into small slits of seriousness, "What's in the folder?" "Mortgage Bills," Roger said with a smug smirk on his face, "I've booked a flight to Los Angeles, we'll leave tomorrow."

Jack nodded, "good," he said softly. Roger nodded, picked up the folder and fixed his jacket, "Sir?" Jack eyes went up to match the black ones, "Is there anything that...happened...that I would need to know about?"

Jack took a swig from his water bottle, "You know as well as I do that we have secrets we need to bury." "That's not what I meant," Roger said as he hesitated in the doorway, "He's saying...he's saying that." Roger shook his head, "Have a good day sir."

Jack could taste his heartbeat racing. What would happened if the press heard, if they thought he wouldn't be a good political for something he did when he was twelve. How vicious and savage he became when the rules weren't there to blanket him. Jack couldn't go back there.

He shivered at the thought of going back to the white room where the people in white always smiled and said, "It's okay Mr. Merridew. You'll feel better." What if they made him take more meds? His hand shook as he pulled out the orange bottle and he pressed the white pill in his mouth. Jack couldn't be _him _again.

Images were flashing quick behind Jack's eyelids. It had been _years _since he had this nightmare, the ones from the island. He was twelve again, and as he rubbed the sleep off his eyes, he looked forward only to see himself.

It truly was Jack, only he was covered in paint, and nothing but paint. He wore a wolfish grin, "Jack," he cooed, "You can't escape me." The paint-clad Jack cradled the normal Jack's head, "You think you can outgrow me, you can deny me all you want, but I am _always _inside you Jack." Painted Jack smiled when he saw the fear in Jack's blue eyes, "You can't escape me." Then his mouth opened, his head tilted back and he squawked out what he guessed was a laugh. It was too deep to..._carnivorous _for Jack to recognize it.

Jack awoke from his dream, wiping sweat from his brow as his eyes slide over to the illuminated red numbers. He reached forward, grabbing onto his cell phone. "Roger," he breathed out, "hmm," came the muffled and tired response from the other end, "I...had the nightmare again." "Jack," Roger breathed out, it had been long since Jack told him about his nightmares, and how he feared his savage side taking control again, "It's been years."

Jack closed his eyes, leaning his head against the cool forehead against his clammy forehead, "I know." "Jack," Roger's voice hitched up again, sounding more awake now, "It's okay. Jack you've been taking your meds, you _won't _be that again." Jack swallowed, his throat feeling drier than ever. If only it were that easy. "I'm sorry to bother you so early."

Jack could hear Roger shifting through the phone, and let a silence draw between them, "I don't mind," he said softly. Jack could almost see him now, running his fingers through his black hair that he could never quite comb back neatly. He could imagine the way one of his feet rested on the bed frame while the other was planted underneath of his body, and how he would have his business only phone sitting neatly on his nightstand.

Jack's flipped his body so he was staring up at his white ceiling, and his hand absentmindedly ran up and down his chest. "I'll see you later then," Jack said slowly. Jack could hear the parting of Roger's lips, how he wanted to say something, but then closed his mouth and decided against it. "I'll see you in a few hours. Night Sir." Then he hung up.

The silence hung around Jack, and for a moment he didn't know what to do. His eyes lay still on the cell phone he cradled in his lap. Everything was coming back to him, and he wished they weren't. Roger. The Island Nightmares. Savage Jack. Ralph. Old Repressed Emotions. Politics. He wanted to scream or lash out at something.

In the end, Jack fell back asleep, only to wake up two hours later.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack felt his body slump in his seat, and he let out a groan. _Baby. I'm always by the baby. _ The little baby boy tilted his head questioningly at Jack, and when he did that Jack caught a glimpse of his freckles on his face. The baby's mother, looked up at Jack, "goodmorning," she said as she slide into the row across from where Jack sat, "first time flying?" Jack let out a soft chuckle, "no what about you?" She nodded, "but my husband tells me it's a breeze."

Jack pushed a smile to his lips, "Yeah it was rough to uh...get back on a plane after an...incident," he told the blonde woman, "but my uh..." his eyes lifted up to Roger coming down the aisle, shouldering people that got in his way, "my friend helped a lot." The woman's eyes went to Roger, "oh," she said softly, "well...I hope you two are happy."

Jack snorted, "wait you think that him..and I?" Jack shook his head, "It's not a thing," he said gesturing between him and Roger, "just friends," he said this time slightly stronger.

Roger reached him then, and he slide past Jack to take the window seat. "Hey," he said softly, his hands automatically moving to pull the window shade down. Neither of the two of them felt safe on a plane anymore, but they found it easier to travel if they were both together. Jack would take an extra pill to kill his anxieties, Roger would close the window shade. They would both grip the arm rest during take off, and wouldn't say anything else of the travel after they landed.

"Hi honey," The woman said, and this time Jack looked up to see her husband, he supposed because they shared a kiss before he sat down. Jack found he could only stare. Two people, in love, a family, loving. His eyes swiftly moved away. It was something Jack knew he could never have. He had it once but, he let out a soft breath, "this anticipation is killing me," he said in a monotone voice.

He wished that couple wasn't sitting there next to him. He wished their love hadn't made him think about those soft secret kisses on the island. Mostly, he just wished the couple hadn't made him think about being 18, just before they got rescued from that god forsaken island,and when he fooled himself into thinking he was capable of having love.

"Switch seats with me," he said to Roger, and he obediently obliged.

Jack couldn't bring himself to sleep on flights anymore. The last time he did that his plane was landing on a deserted island with his choir boys. All around the plane, the curtains were drawn, and slowly the other passengers began to nod off. "Sir?" Jack looked up at Roger, "what?"

"Are you okay?" Jack sighed, "no." He would never be able to talk to anyone like this, and for some reason he wasn't sure why he could do this with Roger. He had been on the island just like Jack had, and if anything he was worse than Jack. Jack watched, and he knew, for the six years they stayed on the island, that Roger was something _evil. _Jack was bad, but Roger was _evil. _Or at least, he had been. Before they both went to therapy.

"Talk to me," Roger said. He adjusted his body so he was sitting in the seat, facing towards Jack. His hands lay rested in his lap, but Jack knew from expierences that he would take his hands soon.

"I can't see him," Jack whispered, "it's just...so much more than Ralph talking shit about what happened on the island. I don't even care about my job right now," Jack said, his eyes going down to Roger's fidgeting hands. "I just can't see him again Rog. I can't handel it."

Roger's face was crossed with confusion when Jack looked at him. "Why?" He asked softly, "I mean yeah, we did...things, to Ralph, but..." Roger took a breath, tucking his leg underneath of his body. Jack had to admit, that even though Roger was only in his mid-twenties, he could still pass for an older teenage boy.

"Did...something happened between you two?" Roger wet his lips as if he was searching for words that just would not form for him, "something that even _I _don't know." _Yes. _

Jack couldn't tell him though. He just could not bring himself to tell him. "Of course not," he said softly. Jack found his hands trailing towards Roger's hand, taking them into his own, drawing small circles on his palm with his thumb. "Nothing," he lied. "Jack, there has to be a reason why these nightmares are coming back all of the sudden. Why you can't..." Roger just shook his head, "There has to be-" Roger stopped there, and as he stared back into Jack's blue eyes he whispered softly, "Do you remember...when we had our...thing," He chuckled, a small smile creeping onto his face, "you told me you loved me."

Jack avoided his eyes, he knew, he remembered. Roger squeezed Jack's hands as a response, "and over the years I know...things change right?" Jack didn't have to look at Roger to know he was chewing on his bottom lip, something he only does when he's nervous. "But...that hasn't changed for me."

"What does this have to do with Ralph?" Jack asked quickly. "Distraction," Roger mumbled before leaning forward, his hand cupping the back of Jack's neck and gently pressing his lips against his own.

Jack practically wrestled the other boy off of him. "We can't," Roger shh-ed him, "no one will see." Jack pushed him away again, "my job Roger, think about that." Roger stopped trying to kiss him then, and with a smirk that hid sadness he said, "Right, sir. I'm sorry."


End file.
